Mugshots
by Ayeun
Summary: A series of oneshots, linking the past, present and future of the crew members of the SSV Normandy. While set in the middle of Mass Effect 3, the stories within are flashbacks to events of the crew's past.
1. Commander Shepard - Not always a paragon

**Author's notes - A huge thank you to FIshbone76 over on Deviant Art. Her 'not always a paragon' picture was the inspiration behind this short story. As she has two more, 'Heheheee' and 'troublemaker', I intend to write at least two more short chapters of this.**

**Also, it goes without saying: Mass Effect, all characters and trademarks belong to Bioware. The art that inspired me belongs to Fishbone76, and the story is from my brain places.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

On the SSV Normandy SR2, something was amiss. No one really knew for sure whom had hung it on the wall, but in the mess hall, there hung a mug shot of Commander Shepard. In the shot, her lip was busted, cheeks flushed, and nose bloody, with a look on her face of mild amusement.

It had shocked Specialist Traynor the first time she had seen it, as the crew had made their push to Surkesh, to retrieve the Krogan females. She had dropped her coffee in shock, causing a few eyes to dart to her, then to follow her gaze to the picture on the wall. Murmurs had started in the crowd, growing to full whispers before long.

"What did she do?" a crewman asked, scratching the back of his head. Another shot him a look.

"No idea. We should ask Garrus." She indicated over her shoulder, towards the gun battery. "If the Commander ever did anything of note, the Turian would know." Samantha was already striding down the deck, in the same fashion Shepard did on her rounds. Knocking curtly on the door to the gun battery, the Turian called out.

"Shepard, I told you to come back later…" the door opened, and the Turian found himself faced with the shorter human. "Specialist, what can I do for you?" Garrus chucked, noticing the crowd in the mess. "What did joker put on the wall this week? Instructions on how to build your own reaper in 10 steps?" Samantha just looked at the Turian, blinking, before realizing why she had come.

"Sir," She saluted. Technically, the Turian was not her superior, but he held more respect than almost everyone else on the crew deck. "Shepard…" She couldn't get the rest of the sentence out. Chortling to himself, Garrus moved with haste to the mess hall, parting the crowd as he went. On seeing the picture, he laughed.

"I… I remember… this!" He managed to get out between laughs. Several crew members moved to give the old bird some room. A can of something cold was thrust into the Turian's hand.

"Tell us. Please, sir." Garrus chuckled once more, popping the top on the beer in his hand, after checking that it was a Dextro friendly drink. Taking a large mouthful, he lowered his head down.

"Ok, but you didn't hear it from me." His mandibles twitched, the Turian equivalent of a smile. "It was about 8 months ago. Around the time the Commander woke up for Cerberus, you see…"

Unseen to Garrus, or the group, Commander Shepard stood quietly as she listened to the story unfolding, her thoughts slipping into the past.

* * *

* 8 months prior *

Commander Shepard had just finished her meeting with the Council. Thanks to minor machinations of Councillor Anderson, her Spectre status had been upheld, and she was still on the employ. Anderson had encouraged her to let off a bit of steam, slipping her a credit chit. She glanced behind her at her companions. The Krogan looked down at the small human, while the bald tattooed woman was staring out over the presidium. Should have brought Garrus, she mused, rubbing the back of her head, if only his face wasn't still plastered on with a patch. Mind, Jack was better than her other options. The Salarian would talk her ear off, Jacob and Miranda were in the bosses pocket, and also wanted as 'associated terrorists', and she didn't trust Zaeed beyond his pay-check.

Grunt was no Wrex, she mused, walking the Presidium. He was young, impulsive, rough, and crazy. Chuckling inward, she realized the exact same thing could be said about Jack. Sighing outwardly, she raised her omni-tool, and pressed a button to open a com to the ship.

"Shepard to Normand." She waited, but EDI was answering before her breath was finished.

"Yes Commander Shepard?" the AI still gave Shepard the chills. Pushing that thought down, she forced a smile onto her face.

"Inform the crew we will be staying at the Citadel overnight. All hands to be at their stations by 1030 hours, or they are going to be left behind." She smiled. Shore leave wasn't really due, but with the mission she knew was in front of them, they could have it anyway.

"Understood, Commander. I will inform the crew of their Liberty. Did you need anything else, Commander?" Shepard smiled.

"No, EDI. Just, hold my messages until I return." She closed the coms, turning to her companions. "You heard me. Shore leave. Liberty. Rest and Relaxation. I don't want to see you until tomorrow. Scoot!" She yelled the last word, but the effect was as she required. Grunt sauntered off at full speed towards the nearest food stand; Jack, glowing with Biotics, jumped the railing, and lowered herself down to the level below.

Smiling once more, Shepard headed towards the officers bar near the embassies. Maybe she could toast her good fortune with Anderson.

* * *

* Some hours later *

* * *

Pain. The first sensation Shepard felt was pain. Then spinning. Then cold. Why was the room spinning?

Shepard awoke with one hell of a headache. The sounds of yelling could be heard close by. Sighing, she pushed herself up, the blood rushing to her head. Oh god, she thought, moving to the latrine on the wall, and vomiting every colour of the rainbow. Glancing around the room, she noticed she was in a cell of some kind. The sign on the wall read 'Citadel Security Services, Silversun Strip.' Sitting back, she pushed herself against the wall, and closed her eyes, trying to remember last night.

Ryncol. She remembered the Ryncol. How could she do that again? Every time she drank that swill, it knocked her flat. _But then again, nothing ELSE gives you a buzz, does it?_ She mused inwardly, a small smile creeping onto her lips. She pulled her knees up, and rested her head on them, realizing how tender parts of her face felt. Gently patting down her cheeks, lips and nose, she realized she was bruised, but without a mirror to check, she had no idea of the severity of the injuries. The other guy probably has it 10 times worse, she mused once more.

So, Ryncol and a fight. Doesn't sound very different from her last Liberty. She moved her hand to the back of her neck, scratching it the absently minded way she did. The tag on her shirt didn't feel right. She opened her eyes once more. Alliance fatigues. Hadn't I been in neutral fatigues yesterday? Fights, Ryncol, and needing to chance clothes. Oh crap, she panicked for a fleeting second, I didn't sleep with anyone, did I? Liara would be pissed.

The thought of her Asari companion brought a new memory of the night to the forefront. A call. She had made a call to Liara, in the middle of her drunken evening. Closing her eyes hard, she tried to remember.

_"Shepard?" the Asari had a shocked look on her face, wrapped in a night gown of a vivid emerald green. "Do you know what time it is?"_

_"Liara. Li-Li. Baby Blue! What are you doing? Why aren't you on shore leave with me?" Shepard slurred the words, taking another pull from her Ryncol._

_"Shepard, are you drunk?" Liara was indignant._

_"Hey. You is sexy when you're angry at me!" Shepard grinned, ear to ear, and lolled her head to the side a bit._

_"Shepard, what do you want?" Liara was firm in her questioning, and the look on her face was anything but amused._

_"You, angel! I want my Liara. Meet me at Citadel. Report for booty!" she laughed at her joke. Liara was anything but amused._

_"Shepard. I am on Illium. I can't just 'Report for booty.' Good night." She ended the call. Drunk Shepard looked at the blank screen for a few minutes, sobering up slightly. Liara was mad at her. Fine. She would go do something fun to forget, and make it up to her tomorrow._

Ryncol. Drunk booty calling. A fight. Someone else's clothes. WHY was she in someone else's clothes? She closed her eyes once more, trying hard to remember. Unfortunately, the sound of buzzing was the only thing that filled her brain.

Half an hour later, two sets of footsteps could be heard approaching her cell. A C-sec officer, leading a woman in Alliance Blue. A woman with dark, raven black hair, perfect features, and a smug look on her face. The C-sec officer waved his omni-tool over the locks, and opened the door.

"Spectre Shepard. We are releasing you into the custody of Lieutenant Lawson. You will be returned to your ship. Ambassador Anderson has posted your bail. And I am sure you understand, the fine of your file for public nudity and swimming in the Presidium lake will stand." He retrieved a small shoulder sack, still dripping, from a locker. Passing it to 'Lieutenant Lawson', he turned to leave.

Shepard pushed herself up from the floor, and hung her head in shame. She couldn't bring herself to look Miranda in the eye. Once she was sure the C-sec officer was out of ear range, she asked.

"How…" She didn't have to finish. The Cerberus officer already knew the question.

"I am very good at what I do, Commander. We had best leave. The Normandy is waiting." Nodding, but not bringing her face up, Shepard followed Miranda to the taxi.

Once they were in the air, Miranda placed the skycar on autopilot, and moved into the back area, unbuttoning her jacket, revealing her jumpsuit underneath. She reached under the chair, and removed a small medpack.

"Did you enjoy your Liberty, Commander?" she asked, as she applied the Medigel to the Commanders face. For her part, Shepard did not answer, but if possible, she hung her head even lower. "Don't worry, Commander. We kept the news of your incarceration from most of the crew. Ms Chambers is also very good at her job. She did say there was a message for you from Illium, marked 'urgent'. When we return to the Normandy, you can take it in your quarters." Shepard finally looked up.

"Thank you." She spoke, and finally smiled. "And Miranda. Not a word of this to anyone."

* * *

* The present *

Shepard's thoughts snapped back to the present. The memories of that night were still hazy, but she remembered the bulk of it. Still, what Garrus added next made her realized that not everything from that night was known to her.

"So then Shepard and Miranda walked down the main ramp of the CIC. Instructing Joker to take the ship to Horizon, and retreating to her quarters on the main deck. She didn't come out until we were in orbit, and her face was all patched up, and she glared at anyone that asked what had happened." Garrus chuckled once more.

"Mind you, I pulled a few strings from an old C-sec buddy, and got the whole story. Shepard had blown off Jack and Grunt, heading to the bar. After a few hours, and not hitting a buzz, she order Ryncol. Of course, an 'officers' bar wouldn't have the stuff, so she headed down to the Silversun Strip. She got into a fight with a Batarian over her 'right' to be there, and then a headbutt competition with a Krogan, before she called Liara. After the call, she had run out of the bar, dove head first into the Presidium lake, and was found there an hour later, stark naked, and yelling at the Mass Relay monument that this was all 'its fault'. C-sec arrested her, and when she didn't report for the 1030 departure marker, Miranda and EDI scanned and found her."

Garrus leaned back in his chair, finishing off the beer in his hands, and tossing the can over the crowd. Mock shooting it as it arced, he heard it clatter perfectly in to the bin behind them.

"A few weeks later, I get a call from Liara. She asked me what had caused Shepard had purchase her 400 pairs of shoes?" Chuckling, he poised his finger tips together, his mandibles twitching in delight. "17,500 credits worth of shoes!" He exclaimed to the stunned gathering. "I asked her why Shepard hadn't bought me that new sniper mod I wanted, but Liara just chuckled, and turned a very dark shade of purple." Garrus straightened, as he heard a groan from behind him. He knew that sound. Shepard had heard the story. Realizing that he was going to pay for this later, Garrus moved to wrap the story up.

"And that, is the story of Commander Shepard's mug shot."

Standing from the shadows, next to the elevator, Commander Shepard hung her head in shame once more. So, THAT was what Liara had meant when she asked Shepard if she had a 'foot fetish'? Sighing inwardly, she chuckled, and rounded the corner. The group at a whole moved to act very nonchalant, as she stopped and admired the mug shot on the wall.

"Heh. The other guy must really have looked a mess." She spoke aloud, the rest of the room losing it to soft giggles. Inwardly, however, _I headbutted a Krogan. I guess I was lucky to get away with a nose at all._ Turning to the group at hand, she addressed them, her 'Commander' voice coming through. "Alright, back to work." She turned to Garrus, the Turian shrinking from her gaze, "Don't you have calibrations to attend to?" She emphasized the word. Garrus chuckled a bit.

"Yes, Commander." He stood, and moved towards the gun battery. Inwardly, he sighed. _Shepards going to make me pay for that story._ A small twitch of the Turian's mandables, a indication of a smile, was the only outward expression he had before the door to the battery closed behind him. Asking the room, more than anyone in particular, his question echoed off the chambers walls "I wonder who posted the picture."

* * *

**AN: Let me know what you all think. I would love to post some more, but if this doesn't get any feedback, I'll just call it a single oneshot, and close it here. **

**Please Read and Review. It may not physically give anything, but the self esteem boost helps!**


	2. Garrus Vakarian - Archangel's fall

**Authors Note - So, it seems that a few people like this, so I wrote a second chapter. This one does not have a picture attached to it, but it is described below.**

**And since it needs to be mentioned, IP owned by Bioware, Idea comes from my brain spaces.**

* * *

Returning from the mission, Shepard, Garrus and Liara headed for their lockers, before the crew deck to eat. Laughter filled the shuttlebay, as the three happily teased each other. As Steve Cortez got the Kodiak stored in its holders, Lieutenant James Vega sauntered over with a smirk on his face.

"Hey Lola, Scars." He held his breath for a moment, before turning to Liara. Grinning from ear to ear, the grunt added the next nickname to his list. "Doc. Looks like they struck again." James indicated over his shoulder, towards the elevator. Shepard smirked. She KNEW she was off the hook. Her mug shot was up there already. Unclasping her chest plate, and storing it in her locker, she chucked her assault rifle to the gunnery officer.

"Who wins the lucky slot this week?" She joked. Of course, she knew who it was, and also, who was posting their mugs on the wall, but she was keeping _that_ information close to her chest. James's eyes once again flitted from Garrus to Liara, and back to Shepard's. _So, _she thought to herself, _time for some pay back._ Before James could answer any more, EDI interjected over the com.

"Commander, Specialist Traynor has requested your squad in the mess for celebratory drinks." Smirking, she placed the rest of her gear into her locker, turning to her squad.

"Understood, EDI. Inform the Specialist that I will happily tell the story when I get there." She quickly moved to the elevator, leaving both Garrus and Liara with crestfallen looks on their faces. Punching the number 3 on the elevator, she smiled. _Payback time!_

The elevator doors slid open to the crew deck 5 minutes later, and James, Liara and Garrus rounded the corner. Before them sat the entire crew. Every single person on the boat. Glancing at the wall, Liara visibily smiled, while Garrus let his mandables droop. His face was plastered there for all to see his blue tattoo line smeared with his blue blood, below Shepards bruised face. The Turian recognized the photo right away. It was only days old. Shepard gathered the crowd to silence, and passed out the beer.

"This, boys and girls, is the story of 'Archangel's Fall'." Garrus closed his eyes, his mind going back two days ago, to relive history as the story unfold.

* * *

* 2 days prior, at the Citadel *

_Garrus was leaning against a skycar, waiting for Shepard to arrive. She had agreed to blow off some steam with him, and he had just the idea. Shepard strode over, a smirk on her face, as she absently minded chewed on one of her hoodie strings. Pushing himself off the van, he waited for her to aprocach._

_"Shepard. Glad you came." She dropped the hoodie string from her mouth, and moved in for the conversation._

_"What did you have in mind?" In truth, Garrus hadn't expected it to be this easy._

_"Something that doesn't involve fighting Reapers." She couldn't help but smile at that comment._

_"I don't think they've conquered the bar yet." Ah yes. Alcohol. Possibly the only thing Garrus was willing to admit that Shepard could beat him at._

_"I already scoped it out. But, then I thought, if this WERE my last day alive, I'd like to remember it."_

_"So?" What was that human expression? Hook, line and sinker? She had fallen for the trap_

_"So, I had an idea." Garrus moved to unlock the car, and indicated for her to join him._

_Garrus and Shepard engaged in a extremely lengthy debate about their shooting skills after his little contest was over. Shepard had conceded to Garrus, dubbing him the 'King of the Bottle shooters'. Of course, Shepard had interjected about a 'dip in the pool', which had caused the scared Turian to chuckle. Popping the top on another beer, Shepard closed her eyes._

_"So, a monument right here?" She chuckled, sipping the beer._

_"That's right. With a plaque to let everyone know that I beat Shepard right here." She smiled._

_"Good luck with that, Vakarian." Finishing her drink, she added the can to the pile. "We need more beer."_

_"Taken care of already, Shepard." Garrus smirked, and pointed off the edge of the ledge they were perched on. Shepard leaned down, looking over the edge. Below, she could see Tali waving, pulling along a very large chiller._

_"So, how do we get it up here?" She mused. Garrus shook his head._

_"We don't, Shepard. We go down there. It's getting late, and C-sec will probably be on their way to arrest us soon." Glancing through the crowd once more, Shepard spotted Liara moving towards Tali._

_"Garrus… Did you call them here for a date? Need me as a wingwoman?" Garrus coughed. "Just ask her out already. She's crazy about you." Sighing, she pushed herself up, and turned to the Turian, offering him a hand. "Better get to OUR girlfriends." Garrus pulled himself up, and gathered their things, before heading below._

_* A few hours later, Presidium gardens *_

_It had all gone so wrong, so very quickly. Shepard and Liara had been happy to join them for lunch, and the beer was good, but the people passing by couldn't keep their mouths shut._

_"What's a Quarrian doing here?" Just ignore it._

_"Eew. A Quarrian and a Turian?" Just let it pass._

_"Suit rats shouldn't be allowed on the Citadel." Just SHUT UP ALREADY._

_Garrus saw, as if from outside his own eyes, as he flew across the presidium in a fit of rage, his closed taloned fist connecting with the jaw of the Batarian who had made the comment. Shepard and Liara were on their feet, and converging on them, Tali was hanging behind. Garrus felt Shepard pull him off the Batarian, and felt the cold, wetness of his hand. Looking at the Batarian, he noticed that the man's jaw was ajar._

_"Goddess, Garrus. You've broken his jaw." Liara spoke in a whisper, kneeling down next to the man and applying Medigel. Shepard pulled Garrus back further._

_"Stand down, Vakarian." The commander's 'scary voice' he lowered his fist, turning to make eyes at the Quarrian behind him. He couldn't see her face, thanks to the visor she had to wear, but he could feel the anger and pain coming from her eyes._

_"Shepard, I…" He was cut off by two armed men approaching, wearing the blue of C-sec._

_"Garrus Vakarian. You will have to come with us." The officers made to move to seize him. Shepard had a short smile on her face._

_"Officers, I'm Commander Shepard, a Spectre. Garrus Vakarian will be coming with me. I will be sure that he is properly… Punished." The officers had no answer to that. A spectre did out rank them. The bleeding man on the floor was helped up by the officers, who offered to take him to the hospital._

_Garrus hung his head. He could picture the fumes coming out of the Commander's ears. Trying not to chuckle at that thought, he was visibly shocked when he felt a new set of hands on his shoulder, spinning him around. Even with his head hung low, he couldn't avoid Tali's glare._

_"You… You ANIMAL, Vakarian! I'm a big girl. I can look after myself." She spat the words at him, before slapping him across the face with her gloved hand. Garrus's face went reeling at the power behind her blow. He felt cold blood drooping from a cut her hand had opened._

_"Tali, I…" He tried to speak, but the Quarrian's fury wasn't done yet._

_"Save it, Vakarian. I don't want to talk to you. Just… get out of my sight. Bosh'tet." She stormed off. Garrus stood there, not sure what to do._

_"She'll calm down, Garrus. Come on, let's get that face looked at."_

* * *

* Present *

"So, I call him the 'king of the bottle shooters', and…" Shepard glanced at the Turian, who's mandibles twitched nervously. "The fool trips over his own feet, falling head first onto the bridge. We both got carted away by C-sec for questioning as to why we were up there, but they let us all go." She smiled at the Turian, who twitched his mandibles back in response.

The crowd started dispersing slowly, many unsatisfied with the story's ending. Garrus and Liara moved closer as the last people left.

"Why did you lie, Commander?" Garrus asked. Shepard frowned.

"Because, you old bird, telling the second part of that story is more embarrassing for Tali than it is for you. Now, get your 'calibrations' done, then head down to engineering and 'kiss and make up'. That's an order, Vakarian." Garrus saluted curtly, heading to the gun battery, leaving Liara and Shepard alone in the mess. Liara turned to face Shepard, a glint in her eye. "Liara…"

"Just wondering who's going to be next, Shepard." Shepard chuckled again, thinking inwardly, _That would be telling._


	3. Ashley Williams - Tough as Nails

**Author notes - Same deal as before. The story idea was from an inspiration picture, Bioware owns life... blah blah.**

**This story is the first of my 'original ideas', being that it is not from the 'established' cannon.**

* * *

Ashley Williams - Tough as Nails.

A single day passed since Garrus's Mug Shot had been added to the wall, when a third was plastered on the wall. The newest addition caused quite a bit of chatter on the crew deck the morning it went up, and half the crew were antsy to see what the owner would say.

At exactly 0710, the same time she did every morning, Ashley Williams opened the door from the Starboard Observation deck she had 'claimed' as her own, since the XO's office was occupied. None of the crew had complained at that, but they did snicker at the XO's clockwork routine. 0710. Every morning, out of the deck, and in to the showers. 0715. Back onto the deck. 0720. Coffee. 0730. Report to the CO.

Today was no different, right up to the coffee. Ashley stood, mouth open to the side, as she stared at her picture plastered to the walls. Unlike the CO's, or even the Turian's, the picture was not a mug shot. Oh how, she wished, inwardly, that it had of been. No, instead, it was a picture of a young Ashley Williams in a pink ball gown, adorned with a Tiara. Groaning, Ashley moved to take the picture down. _Why hadn't Garrus or the Skipper though of this?_ She smirked, sliding her fingers around the edge of the portrait. No one was going to get this story out of her.

Unfortunatly, running like clockwork had its down sides. For one, when you are at the CO's door every morning with her cup of coffee at exactly 0730, your absence is missed. And so it was like that that Shepard found Ashley Williams, the tough as nails soldier, scratching at the walls, trying desperately to remove the portrait. Chuckling a little, Shepard crossed her arms at the edge of Ashley's vision.

"You don't think I didn't try that already? They are held on by the same stuff that we put on hull breaches. I couldn't get mine off." Shepard mused and smiled. "Whoever the prankster is, they are good." No one had seen the pictures go up, and EDI hadn't seen anything either. "Bester to bunker down, LC, and tell us the story. It'll be over faster." Ashley shook her head, and exhaled.

"No way, Ma'am." She slid off the table, and headed back to the Observation deck. Shepard sighed, a soft chuckle heard from behind her. Liara had emerged from her office, and spying the picture, she almost exploded with glee.

"Oh. I know that story." The Asari blurted out. I am sure that the crew would love to hear it.

Fifteen minutes later, the bulk of the crew was gathered to listen as Liara entered storyteller mode. For her credit, Ashley had emerged from the observation deck, and slunk to the back of the crowd, to listen. And like Garrus and Shepard before her, she found herself slipping in to a memory, from many, many years ago.

"I am sure you all know that Ashley was a military child, and a big tomboy, but what you may not know about Ashley is…"

* * *

* 11 years prior *

_Ashley Williams. High school tomboy. Track and field star. All this was true. But Prom Queen? What happened there?_

_No, this had to be a joke. Right? A joke. That had to be it. Right? God, why was this so hard?_

_"Hey Williams. Can't wait to see you in your dress." Bradley Smythe. Of course he would have something to do with this. That boy had been asking her to prom all semester. Sighing inwardly, Ashley stormed to class._

_Sitting alone in the back of her math class, Ashley felt for sure that her reputation was dead. She was going to kill whoever put her name down for Prom queen. And yet, she knew there was nothing she could do about that now. She was in the running, and her sister, Abby, had already seen the announcement, and was campaigning for her election. Dropping hear head down onto her desk. _

_She heard footsteps approaching. Oh why wouldn't people just leave her alone._

_"Go away." She groaned, not raising her head. _

_"Ashley Williams?" A voice she didn't recognize asked. She raised her head. An alliance officer stood in front of her, holding a data pad in his hands. "Recruitment officer Bosker. We spoke at the seminar last month. I just wanted to deliver your test results." He passed her the data pad, smiling. "Congratulations, Miss Williams. When you graduate next week, you're in. Travel papers are included." The recruitment officer saluted. "Congratulations again, Recruit."_

_Finally, some good news. One week, and she was out of here. She would suffer through Prom, accept the queen title if they wanted to, and then she was gone._

_* One week later, at Prom *_

_And there she was. In a hideous pink dress her mother had picked out for her, a corsage on her wrist, leaning against the wall. She had finally consented to Bradley's constant asking, and had agreed to be his date. That lasted as far as the gyms door, and no further._

_She could see him, leaning against the opposite wall, eyeing her up and down. She flashed him a smile, and saw him go visibly week at the knees. Inwardly, she smiled. Maybe this wasn't going to be a bad night after all. She may even agree to dance with him._

_Sliding her hand around his waist, Ashley smiled. It hadn't been that been a bad night. Bradley had been a true gentleman about it. He keep his hands in the right places, and didn't push her. _

_A slow dance came on, as the lights dimmed. Bradley lowered his hands, and stepped back. Smiling, Ashley raised her hands around his neck, and pulled him back in._

_"No. You get this dance." She rested her head on his shoulder. She could feel his mouth pull up into a smile._

_"Thank you, Ashley. Tonight means a lot to me. Thank you." Raising her head a little bit, she looked the boy in the eyes. Had he always been the frail? So venerable?_

_"No problems, Bradley."She moved in towards his face, closing her eyes and turning her head slightly to meet his. She was shocked to find his face gone._

_"Ashley, it's not like that." He was blushing. _

_"Then what?" She asked, slightly pouting. She was starting to like this boy._

_"Ashley. I'm gay." His confession shattered resolve for a minute. "I asked you because I didn't think you would want to come, and it would keep the jocks off my back. But I was glad when you said yes, and glad that you came with me. Even if it was just as friends. I'm sorry if you feel deceived."_

_"Bradley, your secret is safe with me. And if those idiots are giving you a hard time, let me know. I'll knock them out for you." She grinned, and he responded in kind. They hadn't noticed the music had ended, or that the lights were back on._

_"If I could have your attention please. I am very pleased tonight to announce your prom king and queen. Bradley Smythe and Ashley Williams." The room erupted in applause, as Bradley lead her to the stage, where she was crowned with a intricate tiara. A photo was snapped of her, preserving this moment._

* * *

* In the present *

"… Ashley Williams was her high school prom queen. Dress, corsage, tiara and all. Even had a cute date, if my sources are correct." The shadow broker winked at the spectre, who found her voice.

"Yeah, T'Soni. Cutest guy at the prom. You jealous?" The room erupted with laughter. Vega even piped in.

"So, should I start calling you 'Princess', now, Ash?" She punched him in his arm. The room erupted in more laughter. Shepard broke the group up.

"Alrighty, story time is over. Back to work, or I'll have Spectre Williams dragging your sorry asses to boot at 0430!" Shepard smiled as Ashley moved closer. "So, LC. Still our tough as nails XO, or are you gonna be James's little princess?"

"Screw you, Ma'am." She chuckled. "Betting pool on who's next. Any ideas?" Liara shook her head.

"I have no idea. My network is coming up blank." Ashley shook her head.

"You have a network on the ship? Wait… No, I don't want to know. Guess, Liara. That's why it's called betting, Liara. Just guess." Shepard chuckled, seeing the Asari's discomfort.

"Joker." She stuttered, under the gaze of her Shepard. Ashley turned to the CO.

"Shepard?" The Commander shook her head.

"No thanks. I'm not betting. I have an idea anyway, I'll hold the pot. Ashley?" Ashley's brow furrowed together.

"Liara." She smiled.


	4. Tali'Zora - A bit of a perve

**This is the first chapter that I wasn't happy with. I didn't like the story that was written for Tali, but it was the one that stuck with me over and over again, so its the one I wrote. To make up for it, the next chapter going up will be more _funny_, more _WTF_, and more _cringe worthy_.**

**Standard disclaimer applies.**

* * *

Tali'Zora - A bit of a perve

The Normandy was running quiet, scouting out a system that all reports said had been claimed by the reapers. Aboard, all was quiet. The normal activity was all on hold, as ground missions had been scrapped. Duty rosters had been folded back, to allow the crew time to rest up.

At 0300 hours, the elevator doors silently slid open. A figure in a black catsuit emerged, pulling a hood up to cover their face. Activating their omnitool, with a few button presses, the lights of the crew deck faded to a dimmer setting, and the light on the base of the security monitoring camera blinked once. Checking the hall, the figure smiled to themselves, as they stepped out of the elevator, and slid around the corner, into the mess.

Taking a moment to make sure that no one was about, the mysterious figure stepped back to admire her handiwork. The mugshot of Commander Shepard hung for all the crew to see. It had taken some work, getting it up there the night it was hung. Directly below it, hung the portrait of Garrus. Getting that one up had been easy, but even more impressive was the small holographic emitter that had been embedded, to keep it covered until after the masked individual had been off the ship. Knowing that fingers would get pointed quickly, creating an alibi had been a necessity. To the left of Garrus, hung Spectre Williams. That night had been close. Half way through securing it to the bulkhead, Ashley had stumbled out of the observation deck to get a glass of water. She had walked right past the masked figure, hanging her mugshot on the wall, and returned to her rest.

Tonight, the figure had prepared in advance. The crew was all on down cycle, and, thanks to a small hack of the systems, were all locked in their quarters for the next half hour. The elevator had been locked down after they had exited, and would only unlock to their omnitool. Smiling to themselves, the figure pulled out a rolled sheet of photopaper, and the sealing gel.

Ten minutes later, a rather cute looking picture of the Quarian crew member, Tali'Zora, had been added next to Garrus. Smiling to themselves, the figure moved back to the elevator, and returned the crew deck to its original setting. Not even EDI would notice the fifteen minute blackout in her logs. The elevator doors slid closed, and as the crew deck was unlocked, a feminine chuckle could be heard as the elevator slid away.

* * *

*0600 hours*

The mess was abuzz with activity. The picture of Tali laying on the floor, three empty bottles splayed around her head, and several magazine images of both Turian and Quarians had everyone's attention. The tiny Quarian was one of the first on the scene, but in an unusual (for her anyway) way, she was tight lipped about it.

Finally, when the bulk of the crew was seated and eating, did Joker pipe up, "Gather round, boys and girls, and hear the tale to be told. Of a tiny little Quarian girl, who fancied herself a bit of a perve…" Tali rolled her eyes at Jokers theatrics of the situation.

"Our tiny little Quarian was oh so sweet, and saved from the hero's she'd hoped she'd meet…" A cough from the crowd could be heard, and then Shepard stood up.

"Joker, tell the story without rhyming, or I'll get someone else to do it." She threatened. Joker sighed.

"Sure Commander. Our story takes place about a month after the first Normandy was lost in space. We had mostly gone our separate ways, and Tali, Garrus and I were waiting on the Citadel…"

Tali closed her eyes, slipping back to a differnt time.

* * *

_It had been a long month. After spending a week in an escape pod, the crew had finally been recovered by a SSV Tuscany, and brought to the Citadel. Shepard's funeral had taken place a week later, a harrowing event in which the tiny Quarian had been forced to hold back tears for her friend. Both she and Garrus had stood in attendance at Liara's side. The Asari had been an inconsolable wreck. A day after the funeral, Liara had vanished into the crowds of the citadel, and was nowhere to be found. C-sec had been looking for her, but Garrus had told her that the doctor needed time._

_Tali had then signalled the Flotilla, requesting transport back to the fleet. Garrus hadn't decided on his future plans, and had been keeping the Quarian company most days. A new addition to the duo was Joker, the pilot, who, having been discharged from the Alliance, and had nowhere else to go. The newly formed trio had spent a few days trying to track their friends, and finally given up, returning to Garrus's residence. Garrus was quick to bring refreshments for the group, and several hours had passed, drinking and toasting to Commander Shepard._

_"Here's to Shepard. May she find peace at the great bar in the sky!" Joker declared, his face was very red, a sign that he had had a few too many already._

_"May the spirits watch over her." Garrus added, his mandibles slightly drooped. "And may she find peace, wherever she is."_

_"Ancestors guide her. And may they guide us all." Tali added, before sicking the straw back into the port. They sat in silence for a spell, before Tali finally broke it, "This is to morbid. To quiet." She tried to stand, but swayed under the effects of the alcohol. "Bosh'tet's, the both of you." Stumbling over the Turian's legs, she made for the exit, mumbling under her breath._

_Emerging out into the ward as a whole, she Tali stumbled down towards the nearest storefront kiosk. Waving her omnitool across the screen, and taking her assorted purchases from the confused merchant, the very drunk Quarian stumbled back out into the wards, chuckling while flicking through the lastest issue of 'Turian Military Hunks Quarterly (by Fornax)', she stumbled into an alleyway, and parked herself behind an air scrubber._

_It was here, unconscious, several hours later, that Garrus and Joker had found her. To her utmost shame, she had thrown her arms around the Turian's neck, and tried (and failed) to kiss him right there and then. Luckily for her, the human had laughed at the scene, and throwing her arm around his shoulder, helped get her back inside._

* * *

"… So Garrus and I both found her the next morning, drooling over pictures of Turrian and Quarians, and one or two Asari. I was a bit sad then, that she didn't come looking for me," he added with a wink to the Quarian, who was now trying to hide in her seat. The rest of the crew had a good laugh, as the group began to disperse about their day.

Shepard sipped her coffee, leaning back against the wall with the mugshots on it. A small lopsided smile crossed her lips, as she watched her companions heated discussion around the table.

"It HAS to be EDI. She and Joker would consider this a HUGE joke to pull on all of us, and now that she has a body, she can move about the ship as she pleases." Liara exclaimed.

"No way. It's not her style," Garrus interjected, before adding, "But I think you are right with Joker. This is the sort of thing he would think of as a huge laugh." Tali cut him off from continuing.

"It can't be. How would he have found out about Ash? Or you?" She rested a hand on his, and turned to look at him. Shepard's smile got a bit wider. _'About time, you two. Now get a clean-room?'_ she thought to herself. Liara glanced around the room once, but they were alone in the mess.

"I may have to set up some broker monitoring devices to see who it is." It wasn't a threat, Shepard knew. Liara would probably have the whole mess being monitored by the end of the hour. Deciding that this had gone on long enough, she steered the conversation in a different direction.

"So, who do you think will be next?" She asked the group, whose attention was snapped onto her.

"Liara." Garrus answered, without hesitating.

"Wrex." Tali added, after a moment to consider.

"I'll stick with my last guess. Joker." Liara added. Unlike the other three at the table, her name could still come up, and she was beginning to hate that feeling. Addressing the Commander, "Shepard?"

"Nope. Still not guessing. I'm starting a betting pool instead. It's safer than to speculate." Shepard smiled, "Besides, I don't want to pick_ favourites_." She added, before pushing herself up. Nodding to the three of them, she stood and carried her cup to the sink to rinse it.

"I will see you all later?" She asked the group, before placing a small kiss on the Asari's crests. Tali and Garrus nodded, both of them eying the Commander and the Asari. Liara blushed.

"Wait for me." She groaned, standing up and following the Commander to the elevator. Behind the retreating pair, Tali and Garrus could be heard restarting their discussion.

"You don't suppose its Shepard?" Tali asked, a hint of shock and awe in her voice.

"Couldn't be. Could it?"


End file.
